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Saturday, February 21, 2009

I'm Still So Vain, Or How I Realized That I Can't Talk To People Without My Makeup On


Every once in a while, something happens that shakes up my world.


As you all know, I am one of the vainest creatures that ever walked this planet. I mean, if I don't have my makeup on and you come to the door.....I won't answer.

If you need to refresh your memory about this, and one of the incidents that are a testimony to this fact, read about it here.

Well, to continue on with this story, (and yes, isn't it sometimes annoying how stories keep continuing on?) I took Aydan out to the bus about a month ago, and VOILA!....there was someone sitting in a car. It was a cold day, so I figured that one of the kids had missed the bus earlier on the route and the parent was dropping them off.

So, I didn't really think much about it. I nodded my head in the Dad's direction, as he got out to put his son on the bus with Aydan and then put it out of my mind.

Well, that afternoon, as I was sitting in my car, waiting for the bus to arrive, another car pulled up. It was frigid cold, mind you, or I would have gotten out and made polite conversation. (I had my makeup and was fully outfitted out by this time, mind you...)

Well, the woman in this car did exactly that.

She got out of her car and came over to introduce herself.

I, of course, rolled down my window. (I wasn't going to get out---I'm not stupid----my warm car was just fine, thank you very much----I leave socializing to warm times of the year.)

Well, after she introduced herself, she told me that her son was going to be at our bus stop now, as they were living in a rented house just down the street. I then realized that the name sounded familiar, and that, about a week before Christmas, her house had burned completely down when there was an explosion in the basement.

The family was all right, as they were in church. But, since they were on our bus route, the bus driver had asked for donations to help and we had all given some money for the cause.

So, as all this hit me,....I was struck by two things.

I felt very sorry for her loss and expressed this, as well as asked if there was anything that I could do---to which she replied that they were taken care of, as they had most of their relatives in the area and they had taken care of most of their needs.

Now, the second thing that struck me was this: HOLY CRAP, THAT MEANS THAT THERE IS GOING TO BE SOMEONE HERE EVERY MORNING AT MY BUS STOP AND I LOOK LIKE HOLY CRAP IN THE MORNING!!!

Ok, call me vain and pretentious, and yes, shallow----that's fine, I can handle it. I am used to jealous rejection.


Alright, so I know that this story needs a long story short version, so I will cut to the chase.


I went out the next morning----with my weird hat, scarf, huge bulky coat, snow boots, and sweats version of me. I thought to myself: "You can DO IT, girl! Don't worry that you look like you are in a scary movie and you are the one doing the scaring!"

I arrived at the bus stop and there was this nice looking man standing there, smiling................

......AND I FROZE!!! I MEAN----FROZE!! (I know that this is the perfect choice of word, as it was also wicked cold outside at the time)

I nodded my head and turned away and couldn't for the life of me say a bloody thing!!


WHAT THE HECK? WHERE IS MY BUBBLY PERSONALITY, MY CHARM, MY SASSYNESS?

All gone. All stuck behind the face that I felt was horrific!

Now, I am sure that you are all nodding your heads, tsk, tsking at the waste of such a brilliant human being hidden behind huge winter wear.




The next question that is foremost in your minds is this: "What has she done every day since?"

Well, I now wait until the LAST possible minute to run out and put Aydan on the bus. If the bus is ever late, I am forced to mumble something inane about the weather, or how hard it is to wait for the bus in the cold.

Its PITIFUL!

I even tried to wear some lip gloss one day, to see if that would help. I'm sure that the poor man had to try to stop staring at me with my peachy lips that contrasted so HUGELY with my white pasty face. I have no idea what he thought....

I always see his wife in the afternoons when the bus arrives, and I wonder if she ever mentions anything about me----like how nice and conversational I am, and isn't it amazing how many different coats that I have to go with my hats and boots---you know, girl talk.


I'm sure that he is quite positive that the creature in the morning must be a different person than the one she is talking about.


Which is just fine with me.

12 comments:

Hailey said...

I went and picked up cookies for Mila's Valentines Day party with a hat and zero make-up on and was somewhat shocked that the bakery guy kept joking with me, like how could he possibly think I was funny and engaging looking like that?

Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

You have made the afternoon woman VERY happy. She sees you as the gorgeous creature you are and her husband is NOT impressed. He doesn't gush about your charming or beauty or turquoise boots and she says to herself, "Why, he doesn't even notice this charming gorgeous creature because he LOVES me!" And then she goes home and gives him some, well, never mind. So you see, you have made two people very happy. Keep up the good work.

PS Hailey was AMAZING tonight! Such fun. So glad you called or we might not have come!

Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

PS When Shannon saw you she said, "Wow, she's really pretty." Just though someone who may or may not be vain would like to know.

Shawn said...

Hailey---you look mahvelous even in that hat and zero makeup---cause your personality SHINES through!

And thanks, Lynne---I appreciate you making the entire exchanges with the man and wife clearer in my brain...

Oh, and by the way, Hailey thinks that I should pretend that the woman in the morning is really my mother and that she doesn't speak English well---therefore she doesn't talk much.

Brilliant! Heh, heh.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

I feel your pain! I too am a vain creature. As I read your post, I kept thinking that's how I'd handle things too!

in time out said...

great blog....love the good reads.

Michele Horne said...

First off, you had me at 'wicked cold', clearly you're in my neck of the woods somewhere. Second off, I am dying here... I won't even answer the door for the UPS guy when I am all in my sweats, unshowered! Leave it on the door step, buddy!

Mom n Pop Wilson said...

I think I heard somewhere that guys actually like the natural look. Besides, he's probably got way to much on his mind to even notice. I wouldn't worry about it too much. You could always wear shades.:)

whirligigdaisy said...

This is hilarious. I've never met you, but can tell by your photo that you are gorgeous. One of those the rest of us love to hate, except you're so charming, we can't hate you, really. I for one have no problem going out in public without make-up and looking, well, rather bad. I'm not saying I'm proud of it, but it's how I am.

Shawn said...

Hey "Time Out" and Michele---great to have you as new readers! And Alyson, I am glad that I'm not the only one that suffers from this "disease"!

Yeah, Janene, you have natural beauty, so you can't possibly relate, and Daisy---you are probably the same way!

Lucky girls...

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Well - that's it. You're just going to have to get up an hour earlier to get ready for bus pick up. I don't see any other alternative...

Cadance said...

oh my goodness...you crack me up! I gotta agree w/ ya though...I'm right w/ you on this post! I do the wait-til-the-last-minute thing for dropping my son off at his bus too! I even go as far as driving him down to the corner in our truck just to avoid people if I haven't quite gotten cute enough yet! (which is about 7 houses down!) I think it makes sense though if you don't feel confident/comfortable in the way you are looking then you can't really concentrate on much else!

Thanks for letting me see I'm not the only one!

p.s. congrats on the win over at Word To Your Mother...that's where I found you...you're great, I'll have to follow you now! (feel free to stop by my blog too!)

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