No Time, No Time!

I feel the walls closing in on me, as I search for more hours in a day and more money in my bank...
These are the things that torment me this time of the year...

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I had all my children around me, except the Utah branch. I always feel a little bereft around the holidays when I am reminded that Hailey and her brood don't live closer. It will be more difficult from now on, as Hailey adds the two little girls to her brood in Dec. She seems to be doing well, but very sore and not sleeping much. I can't even imagine it...

As for the time issue, I am feeling the crunch...
I am leading my church choir this week as we have our annual multi-church Christmas concert, and along with rehearsals and everything, it is stressful.
I go to Brazil next Wed. and will be gone for four days, as I am singing backup for the Rick Larrimore/Rod Stewart Tribute, with a Brazilian band. It should be interesting. How do you say, "That's in the wrong key!", in Portugese?

Then I am back one day and fly out to Utah to assist Hailey with the babies. I have mixed feelings about that... I want to be there so much and know that when the time comes, I won't want to leave her darling family, and I want to help her out and be there for her, but I have SO much to do that I haven't had the time or the money to do up until now! Yes, you said it, I will be Christmas shopping at the last minute with the rest of the wierdos that wait until the last few days before Christmas to do their shopping! I forgot to include that on my list of things that I detest!

I really want to be jolly around this time of the year, throwing money and good cheer to everyone, but I'm afraid that I will resemble Scrooge more than the cheery Christmas elf, as I find the days stumbling over each other, trying to get to Christmas before me...

My family says to not worry about it. They don't need presents... Yeah, right.

So, if you see a frazzled blonde freaking out at an airport, or standing in some long line....looking dazed and confused, or just collapsed on a sidewalk somewhere....be patient, give her a smile and maybe some of YOUR time....

What I Detest!

I have decided to vent this time, as my life is being dumped quickly into the toilet. No more ms. nice girl! I don't mean a pretty stylish toilet, no, my life is going down an ugly, old-fashioned pea green toilet that hasn't been cleaned in a while.

So, here is what I detest right now:

People who don't do what they commit to do.
Everyone in my neighborhood that lives in $700,000.00 houses and flaunts it!
YOUNG people with lots of money.
Men who control women.
Men who abuse women.
People who have church jobs who don't do what they promised, so YOU end up looking like you dropped the ball.
Having bad credit.
Having no kitchen.
Smoking.
Drinking.
Drugs.
People who try to get my kids to do something that they shouldn't.
People who make you a promise and then go back on that promise two days later.
Some of my decisions.
How life is so easy for some and so hard for others.
Hip-hop music.
Rap music.
Not having a talent for business.
Getting older.
Women who try to tell you that they look and feel better now that they are older.
The extra 15 pounds on my body.
Not being able to go to Europe this year.
Not having a show to direct this fall.
Not having a show to direct in the spring.
Not getting a directing job because of "politics". (its usually who you know)
Having to pack and move again.
Renting again.
All the stuff that we have accumulated...where did it all come from?
When my children don't go to church.
Starting over again.
How nobody really wants to hear what I have to say anymore, because I whine too much.

Ok, so I know that eventually I will have to come out from the toilet and will arrive in the sewer, so that's got to be better, right? I guess if its a septic tank and is about to emptied and let out into the landfill, to filter back into the earth...
There, now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...

First Grade, First Day, Finally Freedom!

Last week there was a day that will be forever etched into my memory. I have been raising children for 20 something years, (ok, so its almost 30 years) and have always been one of these mothers that look forward to when each child made it from toddler status to Kindergarten, and then to the glorious ALL DAY FIRST GRADE! I have been counting the days, weeks, months, and years until Aydan, my youngest, made it to this miraculous day and last week it finally arrived!

Mark it down everyone....August 30, 2006...it will now be a new holiday date for me, as I am once again FREE during the day! Aydan started his first day wonderfully, just a little nervous about going to a new school and riding the bus for over a half hour in the morning and the afternoon. We had gone around to see his school several days earlier and he was excited, especially to be able to get "hot lunch" everyday. (Although, he at first protested, saying "Mom, I can't eat lunch that is too hot! How come they have to make it hot?" Until I reassured him that it was just what they CALLED it and that it wouldn't be burning his tongue...)

So, after putting him on the bus at 8:00 in the morning the first day, I proceeded to get into the car and drive to the school to wait for him to arrive, so he would still get the bus experience, but have me there to greet him when he got off the bus. (This is what the school recommended, so that the kids would get used to riding the bus from the start...) I waited for a while, and when the bus pulled up, I dutifully took pictures of him getting off and going to stand in line with his new teacher, Mrs. Carr. (He was a little confused by the last name thing, as his last school was much more laid back and preferred the kids call the teachers by their first name....I agree!!)

He was a trooper and did such a great job! There was a boy next to him that was crying, but Aydan just stood and waited, patiently, to go in, as the teacher tried to calm the boy down. I waited until he gave me his final wave as he entered the building, and then proceeded to my car to drive home...

As I thought about the enormity of this day as I drove home, and tried to sort out what I would do this first day...should I take the day off? Or should I get everything done that need to do? Maybe I should take in a movie, or read! Shopping by myself sounded like a good idea...

Then it hit me...

I actually MISSED the little guy! I actually got a little teary eyed and sad that I had finally reached this moment in my life and would never have it again...
Here I had been wanting it so badly and once I had it, I felt a little bereft. I realized that I will never experience all that magic of raising a baby and toddler again, and that I will actually MISS some of the great times that I spend with Aydan during the day.

I ended up doing some things around the house, and giving the puppies some extra attention, and got a nap in that I haven't had in a while. But I didn't take the day off or go shopping by myself...I waited until Aydan came home and we went together.

Its something that we both enjoy doing, and I can't imagine doing it alone...

Puppy Power

I always thought that taking care of babies was a lot of work. Well, it appears that I have forgotten that taking care of two small puppies is just as much work! I have had an eventful week, filled with lots of cleaning up after two small puppies...Mignon and Musette. They arrived last Thurs. afternoon, very dirty and a bit shaken from a long plane ride, but quickly warmed up to us after we got them home. We had the perfect solution to the potty/litter training, as we had gotten a device to hold the pee pads firmly in place, so the puppies couldn't move them around, therefore spilling the contents. That was the theory, anyway...

They were marvelous about immediately using the pee pads, but then came our first problem. Their poopies were a bit runny after the plane ride and the trauma of the journey, etc., which the breeder explained would go away after a few days... A FEW days? "Great!", I thought, "Just what we need," as I watched them accidently walking through their feces over and over again, trailing it from one end of the small enclosed area to the other. Well...., we adjusted, and I reminded everyone that they had to whip out a puppy wipe every time they wanted to hold one of the little darlings, and wipe their feet and bottoms. Then I bought several paper towel rolls and some Fantastick to constantly wipe up the floor. (Luckily, we only have wood floors, so it wasn't too bad. I shudder to think what I would do with carpet!)
I also have to mention that after the wiping of the floor, I had to spray it down with the chemical smell remover, (we've tried ALL the varieties over the years...) so the little things wouldn't get confused and think that their entire space was one big puppy pad.

Then came the next problem. They were fascinated with the holder that held the puppy pad in place and decided amongst themselves that it was the devil and needed to be destroyed and the puppy pads shredded, so as to give their runny poopies more freedom. Ok, ok....so maybe they were digging for a treasure, but whatever the reason, and even though I TAPED the pad in place, attached to the holder, they managed to shred it up into little pieces and yes, you guessed it, there was pee and feces all over the floor and their little feet, and....well, we were back where we started...

So, after much thought and extra money spent, I thought that since we were going to train them to a litter box eventually, anyway, it might as well be the present, as I had had ENOUGH of the five days of cleaning up the floor, paws and little bottoms... Besides, I had to leave them for the first time to go to MA to teach my voice students, and I could IMAGINE what their area would look like after me being gone for six hours! (Well, you should have seen it every morning...) So, I went to Petco, and after talking to the salesgirl, who ASSURED me that the puppy litter would help the puppies WANT to go on it, and then obtaining some spray to prompt them to go there, just to be safe, I got the new litter, a pan, a few toys, (can't get out of the pet store now without a few toys...)and proceeded home.

The set up was great, and I put a pee pad in front of the litter so they would know to start there and move into the pan. Well, the first thing that they did was get into the litter pan, and start chewing on the small litter pellets! (It is made up of tightly rolled newspaper stuff with scent on it) I even used the spray to prompt them, but they still thought that the litter was a great thing to chew on and also, to play in, as they moved all their chew toys in there to play with.

I did notice that they were still peeing on the pad, but were confused as to where to poop, so they kept leaving little turd piles around the litter pan, close to the pee pad. I wasn't about to give up, and I still had one more trick up my sleeve and I was bound and DETERMINED to not let these little girls win! (I have been watching Dog Whisperer fanatically and was GOING to be a good pack leader...) So, I proceeded to take the litter out of the pan, and put a puppy pad under it, then put the litter back over the top of it. Then, I left to go to my teaching...

When we returned to the house last night, I was overjoyed to see that there weren't any poopies outside the litter! (well,....maybe one just clinging precariously to the side, but I'm sure that it was MEANT to go in...) They had tried to shred the pee pad at the front, but I guess that when it wasn't attached to the devil holder, it wasn't any fun anymore. (No challenge...) And then, this morning when I got up to feed them, they didn't have any accidents around the litter at all!!

Of course, only my beautiful puppies could be so smart and so wonderful to accomplish this in less than a week! Everything is right with the world again...

Now, if I can only figure out how to get off all the crusty, dangling dried poopies that keep reappearing on their little bottoms without having to soak those said bottoms three times a day. (The puppy wipes aren't strong enough to soften them...) Any ideas?

Summertime and the Livin' Is Easy...or Not!

I realized yesterday, as I was driving back and forth, again, from Massachusetts to New Hampshire, that I have no life besides working---teaching voice, painting the house, cleaning my apartment, (the one that we just moved out of) moving, unpacking boxes, (the ones that have consumed our new "old" house), singing on the weekends, (so that involves driving all day on most Saturdays) band rehearsals, and working on trying to get MORE work for the fall.

As I talk to my students about their trips to New York, or Maine, or "the Cape", or even Cancaun, and their day trips to the beach or the mountains or to "the Cape", I realize that Bret and I are not going on a vacation this year, and I have not taken Aydan on one single day trip yet this summer. How pitiful and pathetic is that?

Ok, so I have taken him to the library three times----I guess that counts, doesn't it? But then I guess that I should admit that I fell asleep at the library yesterday, sitting scrunched up on the sofa, drooling for all the kiddies to see... (I can imagine their conversations with their Mom's later..."Mom, why was there a dead lady on the library sofa?" "Was she really dead, because I think that she had something coming out of her mouth!") Aydan, of course, was oblivious, as he sat reading his "Nate, the Great" books. (These are his favorites right now---so much adventure for a six year old!) Thank goodness that it took about 20 minutes for him to read a really long one, as I got a much needed rest, and then woke up to, "Wasn't that cool, Mom?" "Yes", I replied, "The best one that I've heard yet!" (I figured that he wouldn't quiz me on it, so I was safe...)

So, school starts in about 2 1/2 weeks and I still haven't done any of the things that I wanted to do this summer...

I wanted to go to Canobie Lake with Bret and Aydan,(it's an amusement park/park) go to the Art Museum with Aydan and Maryn, (we are now members of the MFA and they are having a great showing of "Americans in Paris"---oh, how I want to see this one!) take Aydan to the beach, at least, once, visit at least one other museum,(science would be fun) and then Bret wanted to go to the aquarium with us sometime...

Oh well, at least Aydan and I have gotten to eat out a lot this summer. (We don't have a kitchen...and I have issued the ultimatum to Bret that I am NOT cooking until I have a kitchen...we'll see how long it lasts...) So I am sure that he will remember this summer as the one that he got a lot of "happy meal" type toys. (Even though I despise McDonalds and try to go everywhere else that I can think of that is healthier---but they still all have kid's meals with toys)

And to think that this was the year that I wanted to go to Europe. I wanted to celebrate my birthday in style this year, seeing all the sights, roaming the English countryside, visiting London,(I am a BBC American, after all...) trying new fare at the open markets and restaurants, and checking out all the historical places that I have so much longed to see all my life...

I guess that I will plan this trip for next year... And I will save my money, do good deeds, be a perfect mother, never swear or yell, never talk badly about anyone, exercise everyday, eat only healthy foods and take Aydan to the beach four times next summer... Uh, huh,...that's just what I will do...

Hanging Out With Sting

I, seriously, had the most amazing dream last night! Or, rather, this morning, as I had to get my hubby up at 5:00, and then my youngest, Aydan, woke me up at 7:45, and then I finally got some real sleep in.

I don't know if it had anything to do with what I ate last night. I had some of that roasted chicken that I bought at Roche Bros. (pronounced "roach"----huh, you kiddin' me?) and a salad, and some popcorn, and oh, yes, I also stole two bites of my hubby's chocolate brownie ice cream. So, I'm not sure if that had anything to do with it, or maybe it was the fact that I have so many things on my brain right now and have been majorly stressed these past few weeks.......er....or months, and I really needed to have a fun adventure with one of my all time favorite crushes, Sting.

Yes, you heard it right....Sting!

For some odd reason, after one of my gigs, Sting came up and invited us to stay at his house for the night, as it was close to the venue. Wait a minute, that means that I must have been gigging in England, close to his castle. Alllll riiiight!! I told you it was a good one.

Well, it turned out that we were staying in part of the castle that was furnished with normal middle class house furniture, and we weren't allowed to go into the area where Sting and his family REALLY lived. So much for conversing with Trudi Styler.... Fast forward to the morning, as you know how dreams work. I, of course, have on a robe and no makeup and need to shower, and I am trying desperately to get into the bathroom to get ready before Sting comes down to breakfast and sees me looking like an English fishwife that just got off the fishing trawler. (This is a recurring event in all my dreams, by the way...I never have time to get ready, as people keep interrupting me. I know all you dream interpreters will have a field day with this one.)

So, as I am waiting for the bathroom, Sting comes in and starts to dance with various members of the band that I was in. Of course, they were all young girls, and gorgeous, and all HAD taken their showers and were flawless WITHOUT makeup. ( I don't know why my band were all girls, I haven't figured that one out yet... ) They were dancing the waltz (this must of been inspired by the episode of "So You Think You Can Dance" that I had just watched before going to bed) and I decided to join in.

Unfortunately, as soon as I decided to cut in, they all decided to play games instead. We went into the shabby family/game room, (it WAS shabby---as if that is how the Stings view middle class America) and sat around on the floor and tried to impress Sting with our beauty and our wit. As they decided what game to play, I quipped, "Let's play 'Pit'! To which Sting replied, "Never heard of it." "Well," I said, "It's loud and boisterous, alot like me!" Ok, so I stuck myself out there to be noticed, hoping that he would notice my great smile, my electric and fun personality, and not notice that I had no eyes or mouth because you can't see them without makeup on.

Well, it worked! He looked at me full on, with a big smile, and said, "Oh, that sounds like a FUN game and you sound like a really FUN person!"

Ok, so the rest of the dream got kinda wierd as we ended up going to the basement of his house that was really a scary amusement park area that a demon ruled. We all just barely made it through that alive. (Although, I don't think that the beautiful sweet young things made it,....I think we had to sacrifice them so we could live....poor things...)

All in all, two things came from this dream. I got to see Sting and he SMILED at me, and I realized that I could talk to someone without the crutch of makeup or clean body, or great clothes, and I could do it in front of perfect, gorgeous, young girls.

But, then again, I really wouldn't be able to do either of these things, and to think that I could....well,......you must be dreaming...

HappyTimes and Motherhood

I seriously gasped when I realized how long it had been since I wrote on this blog! How is it that time can fly so very fast and I NEVER have time to do anything about it?

I had my birthday a few weeks ago...
My husband had told me that he was working late and when he hadn't come home by 12:30, I thought, "Great...another all nighter..." Now, he does this periodically to finish a project that needs to be installed the next day, so don't be thinking that he is having an affair or something. There's no time for that!

But I was awakened in the wee hours of the morning, I guess it was about 3:30, by my husband. It was rather dark in our bedroom and I was still groggy...blame it on the Valerian that I take...
but he appeared to be carrying a small child, and my first thought was "Why did you bring home a homeless person, honey?" Then, I heard the person standing directly behind him say "Hi, Mom...surprise!"

It was my daughter, Hailey, and my two G-babies, from Utah... Wow! What a great surprise!

So, after I had gotten up and changed the sheets on my other daughters bed, and got everyone settled, Hailey told me that they would be staying for about 12 days, and going to Maryn's graduation, and that her husband, Ben, was even coming in to stay, in a week...

I thought that this was perhaps the best surprise that anyone could do for my birthday, and was very happy with it, not thinking that there would be any more...

Of course I fail to mention that Hailey hadn't been feeling very good for the last few months, as she found out that she was pregnant. Then, a few days before coming to see me, she had discovered that she was having TWINS!! So, she spent the days trying to get some rest, and I had to continue with my busy schedule and tried to squeeze in some fun times with my darling G-babies. They probably didn't have such a great time, but I was just loving having them around! (I only usually get to see them twice a year...)

We had planned to celebrate my birthday on June 11th, as Maryn was graduating on my real birthday, and since all the kids have so much going on, we have to coordinate our birthday parties... So the big day came and since I'd had a late night gig the night before, I was tired, to say the least....soI napped while they got ready...

When I woke up, the dining room was decorated, and there was an enormous, delicious dinner of some of my favorites....trout being my absolute favorite, and fresh asparagus....ummmm...fantastic! After we ate, the kids were mysteriously hidden in Aydan's room, and I had instructions not to go in there. After a few hours, they took me out of the room, and had me close my eyes... I walked in, with Aydan and Mila (my oldest G-baby) leading the way. I could see flashes going off, through my closed eyelids, and sounds of a camera going off, so I felt like there was paparazzi...

After they told me to open my eyes, which I did, I saw the entire table and half of the floor was covered with presents! FIFTY presents, to be exact, all decked out in purple and green, and looking like something fit for a queen! Wow! My second amazing surprise! (If anyone knows me well, they know that I LOVE to open presents...I even order mail order just to get presents in the mail----oooo, does that sound selfish?)

So...as you can imagine, I was in heaven for about two hours, as I opened and oooohed and aaahed over each one, no matter how small or fantastic... I loved them all!

Such happy times... ALL of my children around me, my wonderful hubby, my darling G-babies, (with two more nestling in their mom's womb) and me, feeling like I'm 30, and hopefully, looking like I'm 40, and celebrating this milestone birthday with those I love! Definitely my BEST birthday ever!!

It's at times like these that you cherish motherhood and are glad that you endured to the end to raise four kids that turned into teenagers, and then into young adults, and lived through all those tantrums, and realize that you have one more that next year will be starting first grade...

Well,....that one is still taking some getting used to...

Oh, and I suppose you are wondering how old I am now?

You do the math...

Rain, Rain Go Away

We have been counting down about ten days of rain here in New England. The high temperature has been in the fifties and the lows in the low forties. Now, this rain has not been light sprinkling, spring rain...

No, its been a deluge of torrential rain. The type that feels as if buckets of rain are pouring all around you. Now, don't get me wrong,...I do love the green of the blossoms budding, and the spring flowers coming from the earth, but when you are so busy fumbling with your umbrella, or wading through the huge ponds in the parking lot, you don't seem to notice the beauty around you. Of course, I complain very verbally about it and my young son, Aydan, chastises me and says, "But, Mom, Heavenly Father made the rain so the plants can grow and the flowers can grow and the earth needs it. You can't get mad about that!"
Cheeky child... It's so easy to say when you are pint sized and EVERY puddle that you splash in becomes an adventure...

Then there are the leaking possiblities that happen in one's residence....

Aydan's room has such a ceiling. It only leaks if there are more than three days of rain. Of course, the landlord has sworn every time that it is fixed, but after returning home last week......very late, (we had our benefit for The Cannon Theatre Project----great fun!) we found Aydan's bed soaking wet, and brand new leaks and drips that weren't there before!

.....So we pull out every large bowl that we own (and we own alot, as we have every variety of "popcorn bowl" imaginable) and try to maneuver them strategically under the various drips. Ahhh, the sound of rain.......hitting each various bowl in a symphony of sound.

Now, the other dilemma that I face is the shortage of proper footwear or "wellies" as the Brits like to call them. Everyone knows that a diva must have her footwear match her outfit at all costs, and I only have two pairs of "wellies".
Black and hot pink. Therefore, I have to come up with outfits that have at least a splash of one of these colors. (notice the play on words...)

Its difficult to go back to wearing black again, as I have devotedly worn it for the entire last 9 months, so that leaves me with hot pink. So here I go, for the last ten days, (with only one day of sun, barely peeking through) going where no man or woman has gone before.....wearing my pink "wellies" every day. To make matters worse, I only have two rain coats...you guessed it, black and hot pink.... So, when I arrived at a flea market last week, after my husband and kids had already gone in, and began to pay for my admission, the lady at the counter said, "No, you don't have to pay...your husband already paid for you....he told us to look for 'the lady in pink'."

Do you think that perhaps Stacy and Clinton would have suggested the black raincoat with the pink boots and not gone all out doing pink on pink?

Well, I can tell you that come fall when the rain boots are on sale, I am going to be purchasing at least two new pairs! I'm thinking maybe of something with a bold print or a plaid.....maybe in a purple or red?

The "lady in red" sounds so much more dashing and chic....

Zip Codes Don't Lie!

Boston, a beautiful overview...
The Charles River and the Mass. Ave. bridge...
Beacon Hill street...
Recently, as I was getting on to my MSN internet, (in my very FEW minutes that I have for such things nowadays, and only if I have to pay a bill) I noticed a headline for the new consensus about most expensive places to live, according to one's zip code. Naturally, since I am always bombarded with people telling me that Boston is the MOST expensive city to live in, in the United States, I was curious. So I clicked on to find the top ten...

AHA! Again I say: AHA! There it was in virtual black and white. Number one was Sagaponack, NY, (huh?) number two was in San Diego, CA, number three was in Newport Beach, CA, and of the following seven, all were in CA, except one more in NY and one in Miami, Florida. We were not even in the top ten!

So, I expanded my search to see if maybe we were in the top 25.

AHA!! AHA!! Once again, there was NO sign of any Boston area zip code. There was more NY, CA, and even NJ zips,...a place in Nevada was even number 20,...but not even close to Boston.

Now I got really serious...
I NEEDED to know with every fiber of my being just where Boston stood.

My heart started racing, as I went from page to page.... There was more CA, more NY, more NJ, more NV, more FL, some CT, some DC areas, some WA, some AZ, some PA, and the list kept going... Finally,....on page number 14...
THERE WE WERE!! NUMBER 365! A zip code in the Boston area fell into the top 365 most expensive places to live...

I took a big "sigh", looked for a few more pages, and only saw one more Boston area on there...and then smiled.

Zip codes don't lie, folks.... The facts are in...

NOW, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ONE MORE PERSON TELLING ME THAT BOSTON IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE PLACE TO LIVE IN THE COUNTRY!!!

There....I've said it. I got it off of my chest. Now I can truly enjoy Boston without so much guilt...

(Ok, ok, so Utah wasn't even in the top 500...but do you have the ocean, and the Charles River? I rest my case...)

Ohhh, to Sell, To Sell A House

New Hampshire house....before..... .......and after......
I have had no time to devote to my usual life, lately.

It's frustating, as I have no time to catch up on my Tivo, read any books, hang up my clothes, or even do any extensive e-mailing.....and I definitely don't have time to write on my blogs.

Why is my time not my own?

Well, we are trying to sell our house in NH, that's why...

Don't you hate it? I have watched every "how to sell your house" show on HGTV that they have, and I know all of the tricks, but I'm sure that it is sooooo much easier when you can have a team of professionals to help you. Not to mention the fact that we are on a VERY limited budget! We live, basically, hand to mouth as it is.

So, here we go again...driving up to NH....then plastering, mudding, plumbing, wiring, priming, and painting our way to the big sell. Of course, we have had to enlist the aid of some of our church friends, (or should we say, our angels of mercy...) the ones that we go to church with down here in Acton, though, not the ones up there in Bedford. We were never the favorite "service project" when we lived there, let alone being one now. (Even though, you would think that they would want us to sell the house, so we don't move back in...)

We really need to sell this house, as we want to buy a mill building in North Western Mass., for my theater, and our art gallery, and our penthouse apartment, and a small town. Wait a minute, did I say a SMALL TOWN? Yes, its true, I will be officially a small town girl....an hour and fifteen minutes from Boston..... Ohhhh, wait a minute,.....I'm hyperventilating as I write....I need to go get me a paper bag to breath into!................

Alright, I'm back. I can handle this,......after all, I handled living in Claremont, California, and that usually took two hours to get to LA.

That said, if anyone is in the market for a "lovingly restored" historic house, built in the early 19th century, with 5 bedrooms, 3 full baths, a study, formal dining room, formal living room, family room and a future kitchen, (It isn't finished yet, but we are giving the person buying this house the opportunity to pick out their own kitchen and Bret will put it in...) we have it all for you! All on an acre and a half with a barn, a huge garage, and an attached carriage house!
It's got the white picket fence and everything! Come live in one of the only states that has no state tax or tax on things that you buy! Get all the seasons that anyone could want, and a great school district to boot!

Ok, ok, so I am getting carried away now.

But, seriously, it would be for a GREAT cause!

I Carry Your Heart With Me

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings

Yesterday was my wedding anniversary to my wonderful hubby, Bret. It was our ninth year of marriage and ten years that I have known him. I will not say that it has been ten years of bliss, but definitely ten years of laughter, tears, tantrums, trauma's, stress, love, respect, quiet moments, crazy moments, and lots of moving! Some people think that I "wear the pants" in this relationship, because Bret is so quiet and reserved, and I'm,....well....we all know that I am a loose "cannon". (couldn't help the play on words)

But the truth of the matter is that we are an equal team.
We make decisions together, even though one may be stronger on one decision than the other, and each of us have respect for each other's strengths and weaknesses to know when to let the other shine.

Bret is my love, my calm in the middle of a stormy life, my cornerstone that I cling to when my foundation is threatened, my best friend that enjoys gossiping once in a while, my business and "artistic vision" partner, my cheerleader when I'm down, my other half....

The poem above is one of my favorites, and it describes how I feel about him...perfectly....

Here's to another ten.....and on to infinity....

Time For Creature Sightings

I don't know if you have noticed that it is that time of the year again. The tulips are starting to appear, struggling to come up through the hard earth. The birds are returning from their southern migration and beginning their nesting, awaiting the warmth of spring. Everywhere you look, you see new creatures emerging from their cocoons, or their burrows.

It is at this time that an interesting phenomenon takes place among the human of the species. As they shed their parkas and their heavy boots and wooley hats, a new creature emerges. This creature is decked out in their latest caps, shirt and short sets, wind-breakers, and paraphenalia of their favorite sports teams.

Everywhere you look, you see these creatures. Big ones, small ones, fat ones, tall ones. It is a veritable feast for the human eye, sporting colors and logos from every baseball, football, hockey, and basketball team imaginable. They are, literally, covered from head to toe in these logos, proudly strutting and preening for all to see which sports team they are supporting....or giving their life's earnings to.

I marvel at their creative ability to mix and match their "sports wear", sometimes wearing the logo's on every piece of clothing that they wear and one has to wonder if their underwear is also sporting a logo. Fashion sense has long gone out the window and I can imagine their ancestors rolling in their graves as they witness this mismatched, unattractive display of loud colors, and yes, numbers, that their progeny wears.

I felt that it was my duty to interview one such creature. The following is the interview as it happened. In order to protect her family, I have chosen to name the interviewee "Madge". (I will be "the fashionista" for the interview---well, that is pretty self-explanatory)

The Fashionista: "Hey Madge, great to see you around again! I haven't seen you in all winter!"

Madge: (laughing) "Yes, well,.....you might say I've been busy, preparing for the warm weather."

The Fashionista: "What were you doing? Storing nuts?"

Madge: "No, silly, I've been gearing up for the new sports season! I've got baseball right around the corner and I've been shopping for my new entire wardrobe of Red Sox t-shirts, socks and caps to wear... Don't they look great?"

The Fashionista: ....."Right........hmmmm....well,.....that large number across your chest in bright blue and white certainly stands out against that RED
t-shirt, and the accessories that you chose----that baseball cap, and those socks.... with small "red socks"......all over them, is certainly fetching...."

Madge: (loudly) "GOOOO RED SOX!! I can't wait for the first game!"

The Fashionista: (covering my ears) "Wow, I just noticed that you also have a Red Sox watch with blinking 'go red sox' lights on it, and WHERE ever did you find those earrings to match---are they battery operated or something?"

Madge: "Yeah, aren't they great? I got them at the same store in the mall that I bought my Red Sox comforter and throw pillows!!!! You should come and see how I've decorated!"

The Fashionista: ....."Uhhhh.......................
(recovering) I'd REALLY love to, but I've got to stay at home tonight and catch up on my 'What Not to Wear'.... Great seeing you though! Gotta run!"


.................No, even I didn't see the "sports decorating" coming.
It blind-sided me.
I think that I am terrified of many things, but perhaps,...........being invited to a "sports enthusiast's" home is now at the top of my list.

One Pill Makes You Sleepy and One Pill Makes You Small...And Then There is That One Pill That Doesn't Do Anything at All...

Now before you go out and call the police....thinking that I am abusing drugs....let me explain...

I have noticed that there are so many substances that we (or, rather, I) take into our bodies now that have the word "herbal" after the title, so we feel that it's ok for us to take it....

I just started taking another diet-type herbal formula, one that doesn't have any caffiene in it, so I'm not bouncing all over the room any more than I usually do, which to some, is quite disconcerting as it is.... This one has "herbs" to curb hunger, and "herbs" to speed up one's metabolism (since mine has come to an earth shattering, screeching HALT!) It also has several vitamins and essential minerals that are good for the body, and was recommended and tried by a web site that tests all these type of products for consumers....

So far, so good...

But....it got me to thinking...which is always dangerous for me, I assume. (refer to previous blogs) Are all these so-called "herbal" supplements ok for our bodies and have we gone overboard in trusting these remedies? I had to see a doctor about a month ago----remember, the headaches.....and of course, they asked me what prescription medications that I was taking.... Well, there was only one...imitrex for my migraines....once every three months or so...but I wonder if I should have mentioned that I take 1000 mg. of valerian, an "herb" for sleeping, every night, or I can't sleep a wink... Or that I shoot straight zinc into my nose at the first sign of a sore throat/cold... (Zicam---what did I do without you before?) ....And what about all the other "herbs" that I have tried for various health problems? Do they ever list the other "herbs" on the bottles that might be fatal if mixed with the herb that I'm taking?

Something to think about....

As for me and my weight pill....I feel quite optimistic that I will lose the extra 15 pounds....and DON'T give me that "You should eat right and exercise everyday" crap....I DO....I think that I explained my metabolism earlier....and I don't want to hear "Well, you must be at the right weight that your body wants you to be!"

......It's just that I don't have the money for a whole new "larger" wardrobe...
You see.....I'm spending it on important "herbs".....

To Read Or Not To Read...

A few weeks ago, I went on a field trip to an Armory with my son's kindergarten class. There was armor from the 3rd century up to the 16th century. Now, this Armory was started by a man that had devoted his life to collecting antique and unique weapons and armor. Fascinating! It made me feel like I had stepped back in time...viewing armor that looked more like art pieces than used for fighting, and seeing armor from different countries, also...

So, of course, I immediately thought...."wow, I need to read about this era..."

Now,......you have to understand... I go through periods of "research" where I get into this "exploratory" mode. My children can tell you that I have had some very strange ones....reading about every mass murderer, and trying to find information on "castrati's" being several of them...

But,...as I got onto www.half.com, one of my favorite sites to find used books, I felt that thrill and rush of the search...trying to find books that I can read up on the era or person or event that I don't yet know that much about. I realized at that moment how much I LOVE books and how they have changed my life...

It sounds crazy, I know, but I spent my early childhood buried deep in books...
My mom threatened to take them away for punishment for not doing my chores....and I don't remember very much of the actual junior high and high school days, as I wandered in a daze, still totally absorbed in the book that I was reading at the time...

During my first marriage, I found that I looked forward to when my husband would travel, so I could stay up and read almost all night. People ask me what my favorite authors or types of books are, and I have to say that it depends on my interest and my mood. I'll read about anything, and if it interests me, I will enjoy it immensely! It's so wonderful that we have so many to choose from and that someone has done the research for us to learn about history, events, the mind of others, people's lives, other parts of the world, science and even the arts.

As for SOME of my favorites:
(and believe me, it was very hard to decide, as I have so many favorites...)

*"Cold Mountain" by Charles Frazier
-----Great writing...I still re-read the paragraph where Inman lies dying on the cold ground....the writing is so beautiful...
*"The English Patient" by Michael Ondaatje
------love this book...so mysterious, tragic, but a fantastic story...
*"Tale of Two Cities" by Charles Dickens
----still my favorite of his books...
*Good Night, Mr. Tom" by Michelle Magorian
-----actually a teen book, but so worthwhile...gives insight to the British "rail" children during WWII...
*"A Passage to India" by E.M. Forster
-----this story is so fascinating, bridging the gaps between class and country...
*"Alias Grace" by Margeret Atwood
----a mystery, but most of all, this book delves into human nature, and the history of psychcology...amazing...
*"The Grapes of Wrath" by John Steinbeck
----awesome story about depression life in normal middle America....
*"The Crucible" by Arthur Miller
----such a great story about human paranoia, and how far some would go to protect themselves...
*" Drowning Ruth" by Cristina Schwartz
----delves into the psychcological mind of women...also, a mysterious death...
*"To Kill A Mockingbird" by Harper Lee
-----one of my early favorites and still such a great story!...
*"Of Mice and Men" by John Steinbeck
-----still one of my all time favorites....so tragic...
*"The Outsiders" by S.E. Hinton
-----the story touched me so deeply when I was a pre-teen and still has a strong message today...
*"Nectar From a Stone" by Jane Guill
----a Welsh story about a young woman's exodus after murdering her husband in self defense----in the 14th century...
*"An Indecent Obsession" by Colleen McCollough
-----a love story, but also tragic...
*"The Weight of Water" by Anita Shreve
----she has written many great books, but this is my all time favorite, love the parallels between the past and the present....brilliant!
*"The Music of the Spheres" by Elizabeth Redfern
----a marvelous book about astrology and music,....so good....
*"Rose" by Martin Cruz Smith
----mining in the 1800's...great!...
*"Enemy Women" Paulette Giles
----neat story from a womans point of view of the Civil War as it was ending....
*"Life and Death in Shanghai" by Nien Cheng
----I've read many biographies and autobiographies, but this was supreme!...
*"Testimony of an Irish Slave Girl" by Kate McCafferty
----such an interesting page in history...never knew that the Irish were sent to Barbados in the 1600's to be slaves....
*"Fingersmith" by Sarah Waters
--- riveting look at the classes and pickpockets in London, with a mystery to boot...
*"Five Mile House" by Karen Novak
-----a haunted house, and several twists and turns...scary....
*"Stones From the River" by Ursula Hegi
----WWII from the vantage point of the Germans....not the Nazi's...
*Resistence" by Anita Shreve
----another great book by this author...WWII Germany again...
*"Sweet Thames" by Matthew Kneale
----about the history of cleaning up the Thames, and how it coincided with a major cholera epidemic in England...
*Year of Wonders" by Geraldine Brooks
----a riveting book that takes place during the black plague...
*"How to Murder a Man" by Matthew Kneale
-----explores the history of even further Irish intimidations, during the 1800's as they fear the "Ribbonmen"....

Ok, ok....so I have gone on further than I should have...

I have so many more, and get so excited when I find a new one....

But, for now, this will have to do.... As for what I found to read after I looked for medieval books....I'm reading "The Illuminator" by Brenda Rickman Vantrease...a novel about the Oxford cleric John Wycliffe, who first translated the bible into a language for the common man in the 14th century....

What is an illuminator?....you may ask....
Well....its a man who uses art to....hmmmm....maybe you should go found out for yourself....

Diva Forever

My husband gave me a really great book for a late Christmas present. It is titled "Lost Diva's" and is about the women that were opera singers before the age of television and film. They were huge stars on the stage before they disappeared from the public eye, as they were replaced by film stars. It came with a CD of original recordings and is a beautiful, large black and white photo/coffee table book. I really love it........because I really like opera, and am fascinated with history and the clothes, and lifestyle, etc. of women before 1970.

But.......the other reason I liked the book was because of the title...."Lost Diva's".

You see.....I too, am a lost diva.....

....and in this day and age of women never dressing up, never wearing makeup, having the foulest mouths I've ever heard, spending so much time on their families, or their jobs, and not on themselves............well,....I consider it a lost art....

Now, on the web site www.divasthesite.com it states that the diva criteria is:
*Extraordinary glamour
*Mystery
*A liberal sprinkling of tragedy
*And most of all....endurance throughout the years...

Well...I guess I qualify....but there are several other ways to know....

"How do I know if I am a diva?" you may ask....
"How will I know when I see one" you may inquire....
"How will I know if my girlfriend/wife is one?" you may wonder.....

Ask, inquire, or wonder no longer, reader, as I can answer these questions with the following Diva requirements.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A DIVA, IF:

*You find yourself taking more than 45 minutes to get ready.

*You change your outfit, at LEAST 3 times a morning, before you get the right combination to go with your mood.

*You are anticipating the next season in fashion, and already have started collecting the pictures from fashion magazines for your bulletin board "outfit ideas".

*You have at LEAST five pair of black shoes. (not counting boots...)

*You would NEVER swear in public, and try to always maintain your cool in a sticky situation.

*If you go skiing and wipe out on the ski slope, you are glad that your outfit matches and looks good when the ski guys come to get you on that little emergency sled.

*You can stay up until 3:00 in the morning and still look good, whether you are performing, out dancing, or just driving your friends home. (since a diva never drinks and makes a fool of herself, so she is always the designated driver)

*You crave the limelight, whether it be singing in front of an audience, acting in a play, being in charge of a project, leading a PTO meeting, or just speaking out in public whenever possible.

*You take the time to finish your makeup, in the car, even though you are late for your child's conference at school.

*You don't like planning meetings or making appointments early in the morning, as you know that you don't look as good early in the day, and you will have to rush with the aforementioned requirements for the diva...i.e. clothing choice, and having full makeup on.

*You CAN NOT ever wear anything that doesn't match----even when dressing down, at home,....your socks must match, etc.

*Your child has to remind you that you haven't gotten his/her breakfast, as you were trying to decide what to wear.

*You love getting your picture taken, as you are very photogenic and usually look better in photographs, than in real life.

*You really enjoy making the family all match on Sundays when you all go to church together, and love it when someone notices.

*You secretly wish that there was paparazzi outside your house, as you always look "put together" when going shopping, or to the grocery store.

*You have at LEAST two mirrors in your bedroom, one being a mandatory full length mirror.

*You only buy "thin" mirrors to place in your home and abhor "fat" mirrors----they are the devil.

*You always make sure that you slip out and re-apply your lipstick if someone brings out a camera.

*If you ever go outside your home with no makeup on, you wear big dark glasses, as you feel naked without "your face" on.

*You are NEVER afraid of over acessorizing, as you love to do it and remember to be discreet.

*You put an outfit together and look good, even if you aren't going anywhere during the day, and only cleaning your house...you never know when someone might stop by...

*Your hair is always stylish, and you are upset if you see any pictures of yourself over the years where your hair style hasn't changed.....you MUST do something a bit different at least each year...

*You are the vainest person that you know...

There you go....
The mystery is over....
Lost divas, unite....

Nice Guys Finish Last

I really wanted to review holiday movies and the fact that I am the only person that didn't especially like the King Kong movie.... I found it way too stressful and the best part of it was the ape.... I decided that I want him to be my friend....

But then, certain events in my life have made me turn from my favorite way of escaping...movies...and think about some other, deep mysteries of life....

....like why is it that nice guys/girls always finish last?

I have gone through my life, being a bit of a rebel, but really actually being a nice person. I don't do much road rage. (unless I'm really late) I tend to be short sometimes with retail workers, but only because they tend to be more inept than when I was one, and actually really DID know how to count back money!
I think that I am a fair mother, and when I asked my kids to do something, always added a "please" after it, so they didn't feel as if I was ordering them about... (This I decided to do, when in high school I saw a woman totally berate and tell her child what to do...loudly...in public....much like a dog...) I try not to gossip about people, and even though I come across as an aggressive person, who doesn't care what anyone thinks of me, I really just want people to like me and I want to be accepted for who I am..

So, why is it, that I feel that no matter what I do, I can't ever get ahead?

You know.....in that financially, "making my dreams come true" sort of way...

I can't really relate the specific events that happened that caused me to
re-evaluate this situation, as those involved would certainly retaliate....but lets just say that I feel that certain people have taken a knife to my chest, cut my heart out, then cooked it for dinner and eaten it, right before me....

I keep thinking back on choices that I have made to get to where I am now.....

Perhaps I should have joined that band after high school, and not gone to college...

Perhaps I should have never let my dad talk me into going to BYU that year...

Perhaps I should have gone to Milan to model when I was offered and left my two small children...

Perhaps I should have tried out for those movies that required me to use language that I didn't think was right...

Perhaps I shouldn't have gone skiing that New Years day...

Perhaps I should have not let someone move me all over the country every two years...

Perhaps I shouldn't have had Norwegian "nannies" for my kids while they were small, so I could model and do commercials...

Perhaps I should have been the kind of person that doesn't care about fashion, makeup, hair, and how I look...

Perhaps I should have stayed in California, and never had "seasons" again...

Perhaps I should have been more strict with my children and not tried to be their "friend"...

Perhaps I should stop trying to make it as a singer---even though I have tried for over 25 years...

Perhaps I should go back to college, then I could be hired as a drama teacher, even though I have enough experience to do it, without....

Perhaps I should have been a nurse, like my father wanted me to, or gone to business school, or gotten my real estate license and sold expensive properties, or just married a filthy rich man..........

........Now, wait a minute.....THAT is the only decision that I don't question....I know that my hubby is the only one for me....of course....we are MEANT for each other.........you may ask "Why"?

Because.......he's a nice guy......