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Saturday, March 11, 2006

Time For Creature Sightings

I don't know if you have noticed that it is that time of the year again. The tulips are starting to appear, struggling to come up through the hard earth. The birds are returning from their southern migration and beginning their nesting, awaiting the warmth of spring. Everywhere you look, you see new creatures emerging from their cocoons, or their burrows.

It is at this time that an interesting phenomenon takes place among the human of the species. As they shed their parkas and their heavy boots and wooley hats, a new creature emerges. This creature is decked out in their latest caps, shirt and short sets, wind-breakers, and paraphenalia of their favorite sports teams.

Everywhere you look, you see these creatures. Big ones, small ones, fat ones, tall ones. It is a veritable feast for the human eye, sporting colors and logos from every baseball, football, hockey, and basketball team imaginable. They are, literally, covered from head to toe in these logos, proudly strutting and preening for all to see which sports team they are supporting....or giving their life's earnings to.

I marvel at their creative ability to mix and match their "sports wear", sometimes wearing the logo's on every piece of clothing that they wear and one has to wonder if their underwear is also sporting a logo. Fashion sense has long gone out the window and I can imagine their ancestors rolling in their graves as they witness this mismatched, unattractive display of loud colors, and yes, numbers, that their progeny wears.

I felt that it was my duty to interview one such creature. The following is the interview as it happened. In order to protect her family, I have chosen to name the interviewee "Madge". (I will be "the fashionista" for the interview---well, that is pretty self-explanatory)

The Fashionista: "Hey Madge, great to see you around again! I haven't seen you in all winter!"

Madge: (laughing) "Yes, well, might say I've been busy, preparing for the warm weather."

The Fashionista: "What were you doing? Storing nuts?"

Madge: "No, silly, I've been gearing up for the new sports season! I've got baseball right around the corner and I've been shopping for my new entire wardrobe of Red Sox t-shirts, socks and caps to wear... Don't they look great?"

The Fashionista: ....."Right........hmmmm....well,.....that large number across your chest in bright blue and white certainly stands out against that RED
t-shirt, and the accessories that you chose----that baseball cap, and those socks.... with small "red socks"......all over them, is certainly fetching...."

Madge: (loudly) "GOOOO RED SOX!! I can't wait for the first game!"

The Fashionista: (covering my ears) "Wow, I just noticed that you also have a Red Sox watch with blinking 'go red sox' lights on it, and WHERE ever did you find those earrings to match---are they battery operated or something?"

Madge: "Yeah, aren't they great? I got them at the same store in the mall that I bought my Red Sox comforter and throw pillows!!!! You should come and see how I've decorated!"

The Fashionista: ....."Uhhhh.......................
(recovering) I'd REALLY love to, but I've got to stay at home tonight and catch up on my 'What Not to Wear'.... Great seeing you though! Gotta run!"

.................No, even I didn't see the "sports decorating" coming.
It blind-sided me.
I think that I am terrified of many things, but perhaps,...........being invited to a "sports enthusiast's" home is now at the top of my list.


Brinna said...

Ok now...

I'm pretty sure that interview was fake... You're giving journalists a bad name!

We just have to accept the fact that they are of a different species of human, that's all.

...But I happen to have a Red Sox hat myself...

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