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Thursday, January 19, 2006

Diva Forever




My husband gave me a really great book for a late Christmas present. It is titled "Lost Diva's" and is about the women that were opera singers before the age of television and film. They were huge stars on the stage before they disappeared from the public eye, as they were replaced by film stars. It came with a CD of original recordings and is a beautiful, large black and white photo/coffee table book. I really love it........because I really like opera, and am fascinated with history and the clothes, and lifestyle, etc. of women before 1970.

But.......the other reason I liked the book was because of the title...."Lost Diva's".

You see.....I too, am a lost diva.....

....and in this day and age of women never dressing up, never wearing makeup, having the foulest mouths I've ever heard, spending so much time on their families, or their jobs, and not on themselves............well,....I consider it a lost art....

Now, on the web site www.divasthesite.com it states that the diva criteria is:
*Extraordinary glamour
*Mystery
*A liberal sprinkling of tragedy
*And most of all....endurance throughout the years...

Well...I guess I qualify....but there are several other ways to know....

"How do I know if I am a diva?" you may ask....
"How will I know when I see one" you may inquire....
"How will I know if my girlfriend/wife is one?" you may wonder.....

Ask, inquire, or wonder no longer, reader, as I can answer these questions with the following Diva requirements.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A DIVA, IF:

*You find yourself taking more than 45 minutes to get ready.

*You change your outfit, at LEAST 3 times a morning, before you get the right combination to go with your mood.

*You are anticipating the next season in fashion, and already have started collecting the pictures from fashion magazines for your bulletin board "outfit ideas".

*You have at LEAST five pair of black shoes. (not counting boots...)

*You would NEVER swear in public, and try to always maintain your cool in a sticky situation.

*If you go skiing and wipe out on the ski slope, you are glad that your outfit matches and looks good when the ski guys come to get you on that little emergency sled.

*You can stay up until 3:00 in the morning and still look good, whether you are performing, out dancing, or just driving your friends home. (since a diva never drinks and makes a fool of herself, so she is always the designated driver)

*You crave the limelight, whether it be singing in front of an audience, acting in a play, being in charge of a project, leading a PTO meeting, or just speaking out in public whenever possible.

*You take the time to finish your makeup, in the car, even though you are late for your child's conference at school.

*You don't like planning meetings or making appointments early in the morning, as you know that you don't look as good early in the day, and you will have to rush with the aforementioned requirements for the diva...i.e. clothing choice, and having full makeup on.

*You CAN NOT ever wear anything that doesn't match----even when dressing down, at home,....your socks must match, etc.

*Your child has to remind you that you haven't gotten his/her breakfast, as you were trying to decide what to wear.

*You love getting your picture taken, as you are very photogenic and usually look better in photographs, than in real life.

*You really enjoy making the family all match on Sundays when you all go to church together, and love it when someone notices.

*You secretly wish that there was paparazzi outside your house, as you always look "put together" when going shopping, or to the grocery store.

*You have at LEAST two mirrors in your bedroom, one being a mandatory full length mirror.

*You only buy "thin" mirrors to place in your home and abhor "fat" mirrors----they are the devil.

*You always make sure that you slip out and re-apply your lipstick if someone brings out a camera.

*If you ever go outside your home with no makeup on, you wear big dark glasses, as you feel naked without "your face" on.

*You are NEVER afraid of over acessorizing, as you love to do it and remember to be discreet.

*You put an outfit together and look good, even if you aren't going anywhere during the day, and only cleaning your house...you never know when someone might stop by...

*Your hair is always stylish, and you are upset if you see any pictures of yourself over the years where your hair style hasn't changed.....you MUST do something a bit different at least each year...

*You are the vainest person that you know...

There you go....
The mystery is over....
Lost divas, unite....

3 comments:

Brinna said...

Well, except that part about looking good in pictures... And the stuff about having kids... And putting my makeup on the car (NEVER!)... I suppose I can relate...

But you forgot about the part about a diva always wanting things done HER way, and making sure everyone is fed discreet yet sharp complaints when it's not... :)

Oh... And men can sometimes be divas, too...

Without the makeup.

Hailey said...

Hee hee, I like how you put never swearing in public as a criteria. So, does that mean in private, all bets are off? (wink)

I guess, according to your list, I am not really a diva. That's probably good, though, because I wouldn't be able to afford myself and I couldn't put up with me!

Heather said...

I know I am by far not a Diva but I forsee our little Mila being a future one. :)

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