At this time of the year when we are thinking about those things that we are thankful for and how lucky we feel that we don't live in a cardboard box in some third world country, our thoughts also think of how gluttonous we are as a people and how we love to eat. We especially love to eat a lot at our Thanksgiving dinners----stuffing our faces and bellies with potatoes, rolls, pumpkin pie, dressing and of course, turkey. I have always wondered what it was like for these creatures...these domestic animals that are non-confrontational, and seem very peaceful in their existence...until we up and massacre 1000's of them at this time. I decided to go to the source. I invited a turkey in my neighborhood (actually he lives right next to me and his "owner" lets him out to roam our yard---scared the pants off me the first time I saw him) to have a little chat with me about this difficult time for turkeys. He would rather that I use a fake name for him, as I do have at least two people that read this blog and one of them might come visit me someday and he would be embarrassed....
Me: Hey, Tom.....so, how's it going?
Tom: Well, its kind of stupid that you would ask that question of me today, of all days......I'm a little depressed.
Me: Sorry. I just wanted to say that you are looking really nice today, a bit puffed up, strutting around like that, but I guess thats how you do it.
Tom: I do feel good about my situation here, I have an owner that works for the animal rescue
and has assured me that I am safe here....
Me: Yeah.....well,....thats cool!.....well, I guess it kind of sucks about all your brothers and sisters, and relatives and stuff----at this time of the year and all...
Tom: OHHHH, don't even get me started! Ever since those darn Pilgrims came here, they
got it into their heads that to celebrate this time of year, they had to eat....you know....
(whispering) turkey...
Me: Yeah...... it must be a stressful time of year for you...
How do you get through it?
Tom: I walk.....a lot....you've probably seen me in the forest out behind the house....walking, strutting and preening, being thankful that I don't have to be taken down in my prime like all of my relatives....
Me: Well....I was also wondering a couple of other things....
Tom: Yeah, sure, what?
Me: What exactly is that dark red weird wrinkled thing that is hanging over your beak area---its kind of creepy....
...And does it bother you that little kids use their hands to draw around and use their fingers to be your feathers on the drawing? Then they color every "finger" a different
color---what's up with that? Who thought of that?
Tom: Hey, do I go around making fun of those holes in your ears and those coverings that you
wear over your fleshy body? And who really cares whether kids get their drawings right when it comes to the way we look----at least, they are recognizing us and noticing our lives!!
Me: Right. They are thinking about how tasty you will taste, also---lets get real, dude...
Tom: (glowering) Right, and now are you also going to tell me how I will be able to smell the turkey that you will be cooking today as it wafts out the window? You're disgusting....
Me: ( I am really feeling guilty at this point) Well, if it makes you feel better, I didn't buy the turkey fresh, so its probably a sad third world turkey who worked too hard his whole life and wasn't especially happy with his circumstances. And also, my husband is a vegetarian, so he won't touch a bite of it, so the turkey is small....
Tom: (He is glaring at me---making pecking motions with his pointy beak) I think that this interview is over.....I need to get back to my hutch---I have some chicken friends to commiserate with....
Me: (A bit flustered by his put down, I scramble for something to make him feel better) Hey....
calm down Tom....we are neighbors, after all.... Well, hope to see you around the yard....
have a nice....ah.....er.....Thanksgiving Day.....ah....ok.....I think that I will go now....I've got
to prepare my....ah.....well................Tofu turkey!
There, I've committed the ultimate sin, lying to save face with the turkey next door.
Happy Thanksgiving.
4 comments:
LOL! We missed you at our Cannon Thanksgiving dinner. It was loud and crowded and a lot of fun. :) Hopefully I'll get the photos posted on my blog this week.
Does your neighbor really have a turkey?
Actually, yes...
It's quite the interesting turkey, as it struts----seriously----around the yard, and the puppies go wild wanting to chase it. :)
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