Doing The Casino Thang!

Well, I was pretty excited to fly to a gig this past weekend, at Harrah's. Now, I know what you are thinking... Harrahs? Wow, that is really a big name for the "Blondes Have More Fun" band----that awesome band that features Shawn Cannon on vocals and backs the Rod Stewart impersonator, Rick Larrimore...

Yes, thats how we do it... In a big Las Vegas style...

....Except that it was in Phoenix. or about a 45 minute drive from Phoenix.....and the casino was really small.....and we didn't even get to stay at the hotel....and the stage that we sang on was above the bar and very crowded and small....and there was smoking allowed so all of our throats were burning about one hour after entering the building.....and we were picked up at the airport in a van instead of a limo.

But, other than all that, we were stars for the weekend!

The Radisson was our hot place to stay and it was right next to a Marie Callenders (they have great pie, just in case you don't know) and right off the freeway, in Chandler, so I was told, which borders Phoenix. We enjoyed the desert view (the band couldn't get over the fact that there weren't any trees----"What do you do for shade?", they asked the driver) and I got to see some relatives----my sister, Heather lives there, as well as my cousins, Mark and Laurie. It was also great to visit with my old high school friend, Colleen, who hasn't changed a bit! She is still a great listener and keeps telling you how wonderful you are, so you want to take her everywhere with you.

It was good times. I know that you are all amazed that this jet-setter is traveling to such hot spots as Phoenix, and are wishing that you could have been there to check out our show, but who knows? We might get into a town close to you sometime. I hear Topeka, Kansas is pretty this time of year...

The "Blondes" unloading at the hotel.

The "Rod" man, himself, checking on his next big gig.

Mark, the sax player and Paul, the drummer, looking "GQ".

A scary picture of me and our new keyboard dude, Jimmy.
(note to both of us----this lighting is NOT flattering after you have reached a certain age!)

Our "Mafioso" Bass player, Danny with Jimmy again. (this one turned out better, dude)
Me, Shawn again, with my little sis, Heather, with her two girls, Shadaya and Toni...and looking like a ghost next to my tan friend, Colleen---ah, the life in Phoenix!

"Talking To Tom.....Er....Ah....Turkey"

At this time of the year when we are thinking about those things that we are thankful for and how lucky we feel that we don't live in a cardboard box in some third world country, our thoughts also think of how gluttonous we are as a people and how we love to eat. We especially love to eat a lot at our Thanksgiving dinners----stuffing our faces and bellies with potatoes, rolls, pumpkin pie, dressing and of course, turkey. I have always wondered what it was like for these creatures...these domestic animals that are non-confrontational, and seem very peaceful in their existence...until we up and massacre 1000's of them at this time. I decided to go to the source. I invited a turkey in my neighborhood (actually he lives right next to me and his "owner" lets him out to roam our yard---scared the pants off me the first time I saw him) to have a little chat with me about this difficult time for turkeys. He would rather that I use a fake name for him, as I do have at least two people that read this blog and one of them might come visit me someday and he would be embarrassed....

Me: Hey, Tom.....so, how's it going?

Tom: Well, its kind of stupid that you would ask that question of me today, of all days......I'm a little depressed.

Me: Sorry. I just wanted to say that you are looking really nice today, a bit puffed up, strutting around like that, but I guess thats how you do it.

Tom: I do feel good about my situation here, I have an owner that works for the animal rescue
and has assured me that I am safe here....

Me: Yeah.....well,....thats cool!.....well, I guess it kind of sucks about all your brothers and sisters, and relatives and stuff----at this time of the year and all...

Tom: OHHHH, don't even get me started! Ever since those darn Pilgrims came here, they
got it into their heads that to celebrate this time of year, they had to eat....you know....
(whispering) turkey...

Me: Yeah...... it must be a stressful time of year for you...
How do you get through it?

Tom: I walk.....a lot....you've probably seen me in the forest out behind the house....walking, strutting and preening, being thankful that I don't have to be taken down in my prime like all of my relatives....

Me: Well....I was also wondering a couple of other things....

Tom: Yeah, sure, what?

Me: What exactly is that dark red weird wrinkled thing that is hanging over your beak area---its kind of creepy....
...And does it bother you that little kids use their hands to draw around and use their fingers to be your feathers on the drawing? Then they color every "finger" a different
color---what's up with that? Who thought of that?

Tom: Hey, do I go around making fun of those holes in your ears and those coverings that you
wear over your fleshy body? And who really cares whether kids get their drawings right when it comes to the way we look----at least, they are recognizing us and noticing our lives!!

Me: Right. They are thinking about how tasty you will taste, also---lets get real, dude...

Tom: (glowering) Right, and now are you also going to tell me how I will be able to smell the turkey that you will be cooking today as it wafts out the window? You're disgusting....

Me: ( I am really feeling guilty at this point) Well, if it makes you feel better, I didn't buy the turkey fresh, so its probably a sad third world turkey who worked too hard his whole life and wasn't especially happy with his circumstances. And also, my husband is a vegetarian, so he won't touch a bite of it, so the turkey is small....

Tom: (He is glaring at me---making pecking motions with his pointy beak) I think that this interview is over.....I need to get back to my hutch---I have some chicken friends to commiserate with....

Me: (A bit flustered by his put down, I scramble for something to make him feel better) Hey....
calm down Tom....we are neighbors, after all.... Well, hope to see you around the yard....
have a nice....ah.....er.....Thanksgiving Day.....ah....ok.....I think that I will go now....I've got
to prepare my....ah.....well................Tofu turkey!

There, I've committed the ultimate sin, lying to save face with the turkey next door.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Celebrity For The Day?

I just had the wonderful opportunity to go see The Police this last weekend! I received the tickets from my favorite child, Clayton---well, for now, he's my favorite... Not that I count what each child buys me or anything...

Hailey, my oldest daughter flew out for the concert, so I guess she is my second favorite child, as she had quite an expense for that,...and to top it all off, one of her twins got sick while she was here---so she really went the extra mile to leave her family. But then again, I guess her husband, Ben, who is by far my favorite son-in-law---had the hassle of having a sick child to take care of while Hailey was away.

Well, the concert was AMAZING!! Of course, Hailey and I didn't take our camera's, as we were trying to be honest. (Actually, we just didn't want to get them taken away if they checked our pockets, but they didn't and everyone had a camera!) It was a real bummer because when we got to our seats, we realized that we were ten rows from the stage! We were so close! The people in front of us took our picture, and promised to e-mail it to us, but well---you guessed it---no sign of a picture yet.

Well, to tell you about the concert in a nutshell: Sting is the hottest singer out there, hands down---I mean---you HAVE to check out his physique! And he is getting kind of old, you know---even by my standards... He's definitely got a great trainer. Also, we were standing about 10 feet from where the band came in and left after the concert, so we were able to see him---up close and personal...and I swear that he looked up at me----be still, my heart. Oh, yeah, the music was amazing also...

So, after the concert, Hailey and I took the "T" to my favorite ice cream place, JP Licks----yum---I love the cake batter ice cream---so good...and we were in a deep discussion about what a drag it would be to be famous. You know, it would be kind of a chore---you couldn't even wear shoes that would hurt your feet, because someone might be taking a picture of your grimace... You would always have to look good even when you went to get your mail, or at least, have a matching jog outfit on.

So, it got me thinking... Wouldn't it be a great business to charge people to be treated like a celebrity for one day, or for big money----maybe for a week, or a month? I could have a photographer snapping papparrazi of them wherever they go or someone posing as a magazine reporter asking them questions every time they go outside their houses. I could stalk them and try to get fans to bug them when they go out to eat or to the store, or to the gym.

Wow, I think that it might go over really big... Everyone wants to be a celebrity for a day, right?
Now, what shall I call my website, and what exactly shall I charge? It would have to cover my travel expenses and hiring someone to live in a car for a while---and then there's the paying for the "fans"----maybe I can find some really young ones---they might do it for babysitting type money...

Well, you heard it here first. If someone else starts this company, I am going to sue----because my idea has a date on it, and I am the first to think of it! Hey, what about calling it Celebrity Status for the Day...no, not enough ring to it...

Alright, I'm open for ideas---let me know...

When Is A Chest Something More Than A Chest?

I have been directing a play "The Somewhat True Tale of Robin Hood" for my church. I wanted to do a fun comedy that was great for kids and adults alike---you know, with some slapstick humor, but still some play on words or wit to amuse the adults...

Well, I had to read about 20 plays to find a play that would qualify and be clean enough to be associated with the church, and I felt that everything in it was pretty squeaky clean. I had tryouts in June, to get a jump on the memorizing for the actors, thinking that if I didn't start rehearsing until Sept., they would have the summer to work on the play.

So, after casting the play,----we have some talented people and I was really excited to get started with the blocking, and characterization, etc.,----we started the rehearsals in Sept., and I had assumed that everyone had read the script and was ok with the play.

We could only have one rehearsal a week, as people weren't available very often, and I was still out of town a lot for gigs on the weekends, but things were going really well... Now you have to understand that there is a lot of slapstick type of humor in this play as well as what I call stupid humor. Humor that anyone can get, dumb sight gags, etc. This type of humor is definitely not my favorite---in fact I really abhor this type of humor, but because there were several parts that were a subtle play on words, I could tolerate the other, silly stuff.

So, now we come to the chest question. There is a part in the play where the sassy narrator is narrating about how Robin and Marian first met. Of course, it was when Robin stopped the Sheriff and Marian in Sherwood Forest to rob them of their jewels and money. These said jewels, in this play, were residing inside a heavy chest. So, the narrator says, "So Robin snatched the bag of gold from the sheriff and then grabbed Marian's chest." At this point, everyone gasps and looks at the narrator. (Of course, I had brilliantly blocked it, so that it was very funny, with everyones heads whipping about at the same time as the gasp) THEN, the next line is from the narrator who says, "The one that she's holding!!" They all sigh and say "Oh", and smile and the scene goes on as normal. Well, I thought that there was nothing wrong with this----its a play on words and it gets resolved and....well, it is what it is....pretty darn funny! One of the only funny lines! (Most of the rest of the play, I had to rely on my abilities to make the characters mannerism's, etc. funny and use timing to make parts funny)

Well, you probably guessed it. A week before Tech rehearsals,----I get a phone call from none other than "Robin" himself. He explains that they have all been talking and are a bit shocked that I haven't removed the line from the play, etc., etc. "SO.....now you are telling me this?", I think to myself.

Then, I talk to the narrator and she tells me that she had mentioned it to several people-----yes, church members----and they all thought that it was funny and not too risque for church audiences.... But that the guy who played the Prince had been sending her threatening e-mails-----that she better not say it!

Oh my. Here I thought that after reading so many plays only to not be able to find a play that didn't have something objectionable, that I had finally gotten one that, in my book, was good clean fun.

Bottom line...the line was dropped. My wild ways were reported all the way to the Stake President. (Which is the person that is over our region of church congregations) And I guess I can no longer be trusted to pick a play for the church. I am the worst kind of sinner possible, one who would leave creeping pornography in a family play.

You know the kind...the treasure chest kind.