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Thursday, November 17, 2005

Dare to Do Right, Dare to Be True...


Alright now.......don't be thinking that this blog entry is about some scripture references or my spiritual experiences. Now don't get me wrong....I try just as hard as the next guy to do what is right, but I definitely can't preach on the matter.

No....this time I think that I will dwell on the second part of the title...

DARE TO BE TRUE!

I've been thinking lately (I know its a shock to my system, but I am between artistic work now, so I have time to think...) and I wonder how many of us do little bizarre things each day that we tell no one and everyone thinks is soooo taboo....or not taboo to some...

So,.....I have come up with a little quiz for you all to take...and I expect you to be true to yourselves and answer honestly....and thus....

DARE TO BE TRUE Quiz:

1. Before you put your clothes on for the day, how many of you actually check out your naked body in the mirror and scrutinize it? Do you tear yourself down or are you impressed by what you see?

2. How often do you REALLY exercise each week? Do you act like you do it everyday and then "flex" or "stretch" occasionally to prove your point to the listener, as you are bragging about how in shape you really are?

3. Do you really wash your feet everyday that you shower or take baths?

4. Do you sometimes check out the appearance and consistency of your own or your childrens excrement? (or do you do it ALWAYS?)

5. When no one is looking, or you are driving, do you take a quick pick at your nose...especially if there are some "crusties" that need removing...or you have a juicy one and don't have a kleenex handy?

6. Do you sometimes spit out your gum right by your car in a parking lot and then smile as you imagine the next person getting out of their car and stepping in it?

7. How often do you: a. Sing in the shower or with the radio and swear that you could be a star? b. Act out a scene from your favorite movie and know that you could be an "academy" award winner? c. After watching the Olympics----especially the skating (ok, maybe the guys can't relate...) do you do a few pirouettes, and know that you could have been a contender?

8. How often do you REALLY zone out when a friend or family member is telling you something and you realize that you haven't heard a word that they say and it would be tacky to tell them...so you smile and nod and make appreciative and empathetic sounds?

9. Do you ever eat something out of the fridge or freezer, that you know belongs to someone in the family or to your roommate and then deny that you know what happened to it? Or worse...not really care if they get miffed?

10. Have you ever looked at your phone when someone was calling you and seen that it was your husband, or wife, or your parents, or a best friend, or someone close to you, but not felt like talking to them and you didn't answer?

11. Do you ever sniff your clothes, evaluating whether they should be washed or not, or can you get just ONE more wearing out of them?

12. Are your pants or jeans ready to stand up by themselves, because you don't wash them enough? What about your socks? What about your SHEETS....ARE THEY CLEANED REGULARLY? (I'm washing mine today, so I feel superior...)

Ok, ok,....now to the evaluation...

If you answered "YES" (or "no" to question #3) to each of the questions and are disgusted by what you see in the mirror, I would say that you are pretty human and are TRUE to yourself. Thank you for breaking social and etiquette molds...just be careful to not cross over too much....i.e. watching every reality show on the tube and do it while drinking beer and stratching your private parts...

If you answered "YES" to half of the questions, you are probably just telling yourself that the questions are disgusting and you would NEVER do those things! So, go on ahead and keep lying to your self...

If you answered "No" to everything (and "yes" to question #3) and you are horrified with the morals and manners of people today...you are probably older than 60 and either secretly have always wanted to do everything mentioned, but have felt the restrictions of society, or you are truly a SPECIAL person and are the most boring, perfect person in the UNIVERSE!

There now...don't you feel better about yourself?

You may ask, as a reader, how I came up with the above questions for the quiz...and how would I answer them? Well......I have to plead the fifth.........

12 comments:

Shawn said...

Ok, so the picture has nothing to do with the article but I thought it was cool! And I'm sure that those men had no problem dealing with the "necessities" of life...even though they probably didn't have a full length mirror...

Hailey said...

Ok, I have to admit, I had a hard time finishing the quiz after I got to number 6. Mom, please tell me you don't spit out your gum in the parking lot! I am always THAT GUY who steps on it when I get out of my car! Just think of all the trauma that could be avoided if you just looked for a trashcan--please, for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT SPIT IT ON THE GROUND!!! Ok, that was my intervention for the day. I think I was pretty normal on all the others. (or abnormal, depending on if you're in our family or not)

John Smallberries said...

I STILL find you extremely attractive even though you do all these disgusting things!! It kind of excites me...

matt said...

1. Yes, on occasion. I’m never impressed by what I see.

2. I actually exercise at least 3 times a week almost every week. There is however nothing to brag about as confirmed by the evidence obtained in question 1.

3. No. I just figure as the water pours over them they get clean… Is that wrong?

4. Guilty. Stool consistency is a very important indicator of health…

5. Sometimes, it just has to be done.

6. No. That is just wrong.

7. I really am not that delusional to think I could make it as an actor or singer. I also realize that I am completely lacking in grace as my brief stint as a springboard diver can attest; so, being a figure skater is out. However, I have on occasion watched a basketball or, ironically enough, a football game on TV and thought that I could definitely make it as a professional athlete. Then we go back to question 1 and realize that I am barely 5’6” and not quite 150#… Not exactly NBA or NFL material.

8. I’m so clueless I don’t even have the courtesy to fake listening.

9. I am pretty good about this one except when it comes to desserts: cookies, pie, ice cream, forget about it.

10. Yes I have… And I’ll do it again!

11. Is there some other way to evaluate whether or not clothes are ready for the wash?

12. Jeans I can understand. Socks? That really is disgusting.

Thanks Shawn. Self-evaluation is always a good thing.

Shawn said...

Hey Matt,
Thanks for taking the test and being true to yourself!
I admire anyone that has risen to the challenge and answered honestly...you are AWESOME!!

Er.....by the way....Matt who?

john smallberries said...

IIIIMMMMMMM JOHN SMALLBERRIES!!!!!!!!!!!!! How dare you impersonate me!!!!!!! You COWARD!!!!!!!!

the real john smallberries said...

P.S. That last comment was from the REAL John Smallberries... the first one is a big PHONY

Brinna said...

Wow, Mom...

The freaks you get in here...
(heh heh heh)

I'm ashamed to answer your questions, but I know I promised...!

My answers aren't consistent enough to actually make your evaluation. The truth is I live in my own secret little world and I'm afraid my starnge habits are not even remotely interesting to the "masses" that read this.

We'll have to discuss them over family dinner instead...

Brinna said...

strange

Hailey said...

The one, the only, Matthew Mori, Mom.

I know, cuz he's my friend.

Shawn said...

Yeah! Great to have you reading my blog, Matt!! I can tell that you have great taste and an exquisite sense of style...

Welcome to the family!

Anonymous said...

hailey,
read #4 on matts answer....need i say more

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