My Little Minnie

It seems like just yesterday that I brought my third daughter into the world.

But actually it was 21 years ago today and she was my last baby girl.

My husband, at the time, wanted another boy, as I already had two girls and a boy. I didn't really want to get pregnant again, at the time---my husband and I were going through a lot of rough times in our marriage and I didn't really know if I wanted another child, but my husband just HAD to have another boy----and he tended to control most everything in our lives.

So, when Maryn came out and the doctor said, "Its a girl"----I couldn't stop smiling. I had at least won this small round, and was overjoyed that it was a girl. She was so tiny and had the biggest eyes with long brown hair. So beautiful.

I thought, at the time, that she was my last baby.....little did I know.....so I treated her as if she was my last. She didn't like to sleep much, so I had to move into the babies room to be close to her, as she would wake up my husband and of course, we couldn't have that, as he had to get some sleep for work....and what was I, chopped liver? But that's another story...

So, every 2 hours she would want to nurse, and didn't sleep through the night until she was about 18 months old. I used to wonder if I was destined to ever sleep again. (And now you know----I wasn't)

We all adored our little Minnie, as she was called, and she was spoiled rotten. I would rock her to sleep almost every night and just enjoy her little body cuddled up to me, her heart beat matching mine. She sometimes had tantrums, but I was older now and handled things better, so I would just grab her up and hold her tightly until her tantrum was over---stroking her head and whispering how everything would be alright. It always worked and she would calm down.

She was my sweetheart and we spent many days together when all the other kids were in school, going to the park or just going on walks.

One day, when it was raining, she decided to take a walk by herself out the back door, while I was in the shower. She must have been about 3 years old at the time, and she had taken her new umbrella. She wasn't worried, as we had walked this street many times, but you can imagine how freaked out I was when I came downstairs and saw the open back door and no Maryn. I went to the front of the house and looked up the street----there she was standing at the corner......just standing there. I yelled to her to stay there, not to cross the street! My heart was beating at a 100 miles per hour and I was praying as I ran the length of the street.

She turned and waved at me.

I said, "What are you doing?" as I scooped up her tiny body and hugged her to me, all the while trying not to scare her or freak out.

" I go for a walk", she replied.

"Why did you stop?" I said, as I realized how lucky that I was that she did and didn't try to cross the street.

"Big bird said that we had to have a Mommy hold our hand if we want to cross the street," she said proudly, beaming a huge smile, "So I was waiting for YOU."


That was how our relationship went as she got older. I have always felt a special closeness to Maryn, maybe because we are so alike in seeing the world in an abstract way---she is a bit of a rebel, but she has a heart of gold, and she has always been my sweetheart. She grew up to be such a bright and artistic child, testing into a gifted class where she was the happiest that she ever was during her school years. She thrived on hands-on, and visual projects that she could develop with her inquisitive mind.

She moved out about two years ago and went to Mass Art in Boston. She is an AMAZING artist---blowing me away with her paintings, a beautiful singer----writing her own songs, getting accolades for her voice in high school,----a great actress---you should have seen her comedy monologue in "Moon Over Buffalo"---a writer, and a great friend to all who know her.

She just moved to Ohio about a month ago. I am still going through withdrawals. I have a hard time being parted from my children. As I have said before, I love my children with such an intense passion, and I want to be able to see them at least once a month and if not, I need to know that they are close... It is very hard for me to not have her near. She assures me that she will come home every few months, but it sometimes hurts my heart to have her gone.

I feel that I need to have her near, so we can go hang out once in a while, go to a movie, or she can come over for parties, or impromptu dances or dress-up nights.

And I really NEED her to give me one of those amazing hugs that she does so well. She gives the worlds best hugs, hands down----the ones that envelope you in warmth, that squeeze you up and down---the kind that you don't ever want to stop.

So, I look forward to the next one....and hope that it is soon.

Halloween at 9 months....no wonder she always liked to dress up!

First day of kindergarten.

Maryn at 9 years old---such a great smile!

She even sang with our Andrew Sisters numbers----that's me, Brinna, Hailey, and Maryn.

Maryn singing in Madrigals in high school.

All dressed up and ready to go for "Moon Over Buffalo"

One of her artistic pics---there are lots of them, trust me...

And on her last trip home---this past Christmas.

Happy Birthday, my little sweetheart.

News Flash! Hot Flash.

I have tried to stay away from this topic, as I am a card carrying member of Forever 21, and am now seeing my children grow up and pass me by...in age. But its a bit hard to ignore the signs of aging these days.


And I DETEST it!!

When I was awoken from my small amount of sleep yet again last night, I decided right then and there to come out with this,............my big secret and get it over with....

Yes, world....I too, am having hot flashes.

This subject was never spoken of as I was growing up. I guess that it was taboo. I had no idea what this was or that women went through this kind of thing until I experienced it first hand as a young mother. There was a woman in my church that would constantly fan herself all through church. I thought that she was very hot-blooded, as she would do it even in the winter time and on extremely cold days.

Being the inquisitive person that I was, I went to the church gossip line and asked what was up with her. "Oh,....she has an extreme case of hot flashes," was the answer that I got.

Ok, so I had heard of that "M" word that we all dread, but then again I didn't know the particulars of what it entailed. But as I read a lot of women's fashion magazines, I started to see more ads displaying cures for this curious time of life----I was intrigued, but put it out of my mind.

Fast forward about....ummm....15....ok, well....20....years or so, and I start noticing certain changes in my body. And they are NOT good changes!

If you are like me, I couldn't wait until all my kids were grown so that I could get some sleep. Every mother knows that you wake up, on average, at least two times a night for something or somebody. Yes, ladies, I can see you all nodding in agreement---we've ALL been there if you have kids...

But when I finally got all of them beyond the point of waking up----it started.

At first I wasn't sure what was going on.

I would wake up first---wide awake----then feel a huge wave of heat go through my body, then after a few minutes, the cold sweat came, accompanied by a bit of a nauseous feeling.

So, off go the covers, as you try to cool down---then after the cold sweat breaks out, you pull them back on to warm up. Its a strange feeling, and one that is definitely annoying.

Ok, now you are wondering what the heck can I do about this? (Or maybe you don't care---but you will---someday) I thought the same thing. So, I read up a bit on it and of course, googled it to see the best way to deal with it. I should have asked my doctor, but I haven't been too good about seeing one for the last few years.

I decided to use the herbal method. It works pretty well. It works most of the time. It isn't always very reliable.

But then again, the next step would be to mess with my hormones, and I can't imagine all the things that could go wrong with that. So, I just keep waking up,-----sometimes several times a night, and take Valerian before I go to bed so that I can fall back to sleep.

So far, so good...its just that time of my life.

And they say that it only lasts about 7 years or so. That seems like a small amount of time....considering.


*Thanks so much for the use of the scary lady picture, word to your mother. It is truly the way I feel, encountering this exhausting new time in my life...

I Even Love The Smell Of His Sweat

Today was the birthday of my youngest son, Aydan. Nine years ago on this day, I was holding a beautiful little baby---my miracle boy.

I had gone through surgery several years before to remove a cantaloupe sized fibroid tumor in my uterus, and they told me that the chances were slim that I could ever get pregnant again. The year after that I had a miscarriage. It was devastating and I tried to forget about ever having another child.

And then along came Aydan.

I still remember like it was yesterday holding this, my last baby. I was talking to my oldest daughter about a month ago about how special that last baby is. You relish every minute that you spend with them as a baby, rocking them and spoiling them, as you know that you will never do this again.

I love the smell of babies. I love every single smell that they have---even the dirty diapers have a poignant smell that makes you smile when they are babies.

But the smell I loved the most with this little guy was the smell of his sweat. We lived in a duplex on a horse farm when Aydan was born, and the upstairs would get pretty hot when the summer came on---he was about 5 months old then, had long, black curly hair and little pudgy hands. I used to pick him up out of his crib and bury my nose deep into his neck under the curls.

There it was... That amazing tangy baby smell, so tart, yet so yummy. I could smell it all day.

He still has that smell, by the way. I like to bury my nose into his neck and blow bubbles, so I have an excuse to smell that sweet, yet pungent smell of sweat.

It is hard to see your last child grow up. It is difficult to see ANY of your children grow up, but the last one is the hardest. You start feeling guilty for all the times you are cursing the fact that all your friends are empty nesters now and you have a young one that is just starting elementary school. You wish that you had taken more time to spend with him, one on one, just holding him and looking at him---every angle, trying to memorize every aspect of him before he changes into a boy.

Don't get me wrong. This little boy has been a joy even as he was growing up. He has been the perfect last child.

He is easy going, happy, funny, smart, inquisitive, cute, excited about life and a joy for all those who know him. He goes everywhere with me with hardly a complaint, and puts up with so many excuses from me about how I will get him signed up for that engineer class as soon as I have time and then forgives me when I totally miss the deadline.

I adore all my children. Each one of them are on my mind at least one time every day. I have spent hours in prayer for each of them. I never stop hoping, worrying, and loving them.

And this is how I will always feel about my special little guy, Aydan. I know that this will be my last year for so many things with him.

I know that when he turns 10, he won't want to snuggle with me anymore.

I know that he won't let me hug him in front of his friends anymore.

I know that he will start to talk back to me more, not thinking about how it might hurt me.

I know that he won't tell me everything that he is thinking anymore, as he is too "grown up" to divulge things to Mom anymore.

I know that he won't look at me "that way" anymore---that way that makes you feel like you are the most amazing person in the world.

So, I realize that I have to take advantage of this last year before he moves into a new phase. I need to appreciate every hour, every minute, every day---to hug him, to laugh with him, to listen to him, to do things with him-----and yes, to even smell that special smell that is his alone.

Happy to be outside!

He doesn't mind dressing up---wonder where he gets that from?

Picture time with the family----can I have a time out?

With his two best friends, Mignon and Musette.

Sweet dreams...

Hanging with me.

As Pinocchio in the summer musical theatre camp

Playing around on my computer

Happy Birthday, my sweet little love.

Do I Have An Amazing Family Or What?

It was really nice to have most of the family here for the Christmas holiday. I love to have a new picture done if I can,----so the day after Christmas, before we had to take Merona (Maryn) to the airport, (She moved to Columbus, Ohio---and NEVER calls me, by the way----whats a Mum to do?) we decided to take some fun pics of the fam in my new theatre.
(Did I mention that my super hubby is a professional photographer, so he loves to try out new lights, etc...its always a fun time.) We wish that we could have had my oldest daughter there, Hailey, but you just have to visit her family here and see how amazing they are in their own right...

So, here are some of the best...and some of the most fun.

Getting adjusted---this is my best side, by the way...

The scrunched look----cosy

Hmmm, this one is a bit better...but NOT my best side (notice our dogs, Musette and Mignon)

Well, there they are, my babies.

Clayton

Brinna

Maryn

Aydan

Awww---what a cute couple...

*I feel a bit guilty because I haven't gotten caught up on my family blog---its ONLY a year behind! I was going to do it on my trip this week, but the internet was terrible and I couldn't even load pics to look at while I was catching up on blog reading. But. it is on my list of to-do's....

I Guess This Is One Reason That I Didn't Vote For Obama

Ok, so I am politically inept, and I don't ever claim to know what I am talking about when it comes to running a nation or anything. But as I was finally getting around to doing some blog hopping today, ( I am stuck in a motel room in Tulsa, Oklahoma---not a pretty site---more about that in my next blog---and yes, its another one of THOSE stories that you will want to get back to) I ran across this blog about the announcement of Obama to ok the bill for the Freedom of Choice Act---a bill basically ok'ing abortion and partial birth abortions, etc. It is VERY disturbing----especially the part about the fact that it will be a law and even those doctors that disagree with it will be required to participate in what I would call a heinous crime...

Please read the article and watch the video and then LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD about this matter. It is NOT right and in no circumstance should anyone be playing God in choosing what is right for these innocent...human beings.

Go to http://www.fightfoca.com/and get informed.

Then....do the right thing.

As The World Turns

Everyone seems to review their PAST year or make huge promises for their NEW year at this time of year. (Is that just too many "years"?)

But, personally I don't make new resolutions every year, as I usually do it on a daily basis---it keeps it a bit more fresh and I have an easier time remembering what I'm not doing that I should be doing.

But, just for kicks and giggles, I thought that I would reflect on 2008 and figure out some of my likes and dislikes for the year....

And it goes like this:

Favorite food that I ate a lot of: I think that this would have to be salads----I LOVE romaine lettuce! (love the crunch)

Favorite trip: Duh, thats a no brainer----London and Ireland, of course. (Although, I loved seeing my G-babies too.)

Favorite book: Have to say "The Road". by Cormac McCarthy. Couldn't put it down! So horrific, yet so touching at the same time.

Favorite movie experience: Well, this one is always hard for me, cause I am a movie fanatic, but I have to say that I really loved "Iron Man" ---so quirky and fun, and then there was this great German film, "The Counterfeiters" that was grand, and well----gotta give it up for "Benjamin Button"----Cate Blanchett can do no wrong in this ladies book.

Favorite place to shop: Well, it still has to be H & M, my fav store. But a close second is Forever 21---cute stuff.

Favorite music: I am afraid that I have to say "Jane Eyre, the Musical", as I ate, slept and drank it for 8 months! Great memories associated with this amazing music. I also liked some of Ingrid Michaelson's stuff, and Sara Barielles, as well as Fiest.

Favorite TIVO'd shows: (I never have time to watch anything live, and besides, who can sit through even one commercial any more?) I LOVE "Pushing Daisies", "Masterpiece Theatre", "Top Model", "So...YTYCan Dance", "30 Rock", "Kath and Kim", "Monk", "Psych" and some of my BBC shows like "Doctor Who" and "Primeval". Guilty pleasure was "Girls Next Door" (dunno, just fascinated by dumb blondes who get everything they want)

Favorite new powder compact: Yes, it has to be said----I finally gave up on my Loreal brand and went with Cover Girl translucent---and guess what? It works fine!

Favorite thing to do this past year: Sleep, of course. (my naps are what I look forward to) I love to dream----I am always skinny in my dreams, and have so many cool adventures.

Favorite people to hang out with: My family, of course. I don't really do much with friends, as I actually consider my kids and hubby to be my best friends, so I LOVE doing things with them. We dance a lot, laugh a lot, eat a lot, watch movies a lot and just LOVE being together.

Greatest thing that someone did for me: My friend, Kathy, made these amazing sweaters for the twin G-babies birthday. I mean, she didn't even blink an eye when I asked her for two sweaters! She just knitted away! Soooooo impressive and so talented....she is an angel.

Lucy and Lane in their new sweaters.

Lucy, so pretty!

Lane---why so serious?

Now, for lifes annoyances.

Most annoying people: Some people sitting next to me when we went to see "Wall-e". The kid kept talking OUT LOUD and the grandmother----instead of correcting him, replied back to him OUT LOUD!! So, I asked her to please be quiet and she yelled at me in the theatre, saying, "Its only a kids movie,---get over it!" OOhhhh, why I oughta.....

Not a great time: Spending hours in the car, driving to gigs in NY, Maine, NJ, NY again, Conn., NY again,----well, you get the picture----but not having a room to stay in after the gig! Nope, had to turn around and drive back 4 to 5 hours after the gig.

Most annoying spending: Gas prices!! Yet, because of the latter, I had to keep driving---arrghh!

Strangest phenomenon: People seem to be getting warmer, as I hardly ever see coats worn on teens these days, and then the flip-flops----20 degree weather and they are still wearing flip-flops and tee shirts in the snow.

Ugliest shoewear: Those "croc" things. It makes me actually hurl chunks when I see them---no, really---and on grown women and men----ugh.

Most annoying thing: How my clothes keep shrinking. It seems that when I put them on, they get smaller and smaller---it is such a danged nuisance!

So, that is about all that I can think of now. I had a great year---started my own theatre---even in not so good financial times (I never did have the best timing) But, I am proud of the fact that I did it all on my own. (Well, with my hubbys help and my little guys patience---he has to be dragged around everywhere I go) But, I didn't have a loan, or a grant or anything----I just kept working until I had what I needed to make it go.... I just hope that it will not be the death of me!

I have much to be happy about. My little guy asked me the other day, as we were once again in the car, driving. "Mom, are you happy?" "Sure", I replied, not even really thinking about it. "No, Mom, are you REALLY happy?" (he wanted the real answer!)

"Yes." I said, with conviction, "I AM really happy!" And I meant it.

Who Needs Dick Clark, When You Can Have Your Own Rockin New Years Eve?

It was New Years Eve.

Shawn, her hubby and their cutie son were on their way to Shawns New Years Eve gig----in the Cape, dontcha know---they were going to stay for the night, so they had their celebratory munchies in the back, and were excited to spend a night away from home.

The snow was falling, and falling, and falling. The truck was going slower and slower---because of all the traffic. Phone calls were exchanged, as Shawn's bandmates compared the distance that each had to go. Were they all going to make it to sound check? The suspense was mounting....

But no! It wasn't meant to be, as the dreaded phone call came after two hours of pushing slowly forward in the blizzard----its whiteness a mockery of all their well-laid plans. The gig was canceled.

They turned around and headed back. There was much discussion amongst themselves and with other members of the family---through phone calls---to decide what should now be done on this, the serious party night of the year.

Well, they had their munchies on ice, and several Martinelli's, so they decided to brave the home front and create their own party atmosphere.

It was wild!
It was earth-shattering!
It was non-stop action!
It broke new boundaries!
It was ROCKIN!
Can you handle it?

The spread...(well, after the food was put away)

Dancin with the hubby---he looks excited, huh?

Bustin some moves---techno, oh yeah....

...and then Aydan shows off his moves.

Kissin up to celebrities at the par-tay.

That isn't.....NO....not Maryn Jones! (another celebrity---Shawn tried to act cool, but it was hard not to stare)

Out on that dance floor again...that voodoo that you do so well...

....oh yes, like Mother, like son.

Got carried away with this celebrity----ah,....awkward...

...and Aydan thinks so too...(he's thinking---"can't take her anywhere---sigh")

But who cares, when its New Years---you gotta live on the edge!

Bret thinks so, too.

We're with ya. (the puppies love to party)

Ooooohhh, what a night!!

Hope yours was just as amazing! Happy New Year!