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Thursday, October 27, 2005

And God Created 'White Noise'...And It Was Good...


I know that there is some famous author out there that says: "Life is just a series of changes, and we all change ourselves to deal with it..." If there isn't, then there should be....

But what I (or this unnameless author) am really trying to say was that life does change...but what we really change....is not ourselves to deal with it, but our addictions...

Now, I have many addictions----bubblegum chewing, (one right after another---it drives my husband crazy!) reading, (although I haven't had time to do this, since my 5 year old started his new schedule with kindergarten) putting on my makeup everyday, exercising, (I recommend "Gilad" on FITTV---I've been exercising with him for 20 years) movies at least once a week, going out to dinner, taking bubble baths, (although I haven't had this one lately, as I don't have my cool clawfoot tub) Cool Whip on everything, and last but not least-----"white noise"...

I don't know who invented "white noise". I can just imagine a little man---very tired and over worked, but an inventor, leaving the T.V. on at night one night as he was doing a project... He wakes up, realizing that he had the best sleep of his life, (this was before cable that went all night and the screen was making that hissing noise...) and notices that the sound from the T.V. screen has masked the night noises out----the cat scratching, the howl of the sirens outside, his daughter crying out from a bad dream----well, you get my drift...

And thus, "white noise" was born...

I don't know how I dealt with life before "white noise", but I refer to my life before it as the "insomniac years". It literally.....saved my life.

Now, to the present... I went to a gig in South Carolina this week to do backups for Billy Joel and Elton John. Before you get excited, it is the IMPERSONATORS of Billy Joel and Elton John... Anyway, we were in a rush to get out of the hotel (the Westin Hilton Head---I highly recommend it...) at 6:00 in the morning yesterday, to catch the plane home. So during the rush, even though I checked the room several times, (doesn't everyone do that looking under the bed thing before they leave a hotel?)----I left my "white noise" machine.

I felt so good that I had gotten up at 5:15 and even got my makeup on, (another addiction) even though I had only been to sleep at 12:30 the night before and had only 3 1/2 hours of sleep the night before that... So, when we all got into the shuttle for the hour drive to the airport,...I breathed a sigh of relief...

Until.............all of the sudden, it hit me...

(In my brain) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! I LEFT MY "WHITE NOISE" MACHINE!...............................NOT AGAIN!! (I have gone through about 4 white noise machines---left at various hotels and houses across the country...my husband keeps replacing them, dutifully, and had just given me a new one for my birthday...to the tune of $100.00, mind you...)

I felt that deep sickness in the pit of my stomach...much like the same feeling that I had gotten when I realized that I had forgotten my bubble gum on this trip.......only worse...... What would I do now? How could life go on? How will I sleep tonight? Can I make my radio get the right sound?

I had become the worst thing imaginable...a "white noise" junkie...

So, I called the front desk of the hotel. (I had never thought of this before---don't know why---thank goodness that my extra intelligent daughter---refer to the first blog----and her boyfriend, my manager, were there, to remind me that I could do this...) The hotel assured me that they could send my machine in the mail and that they could charge the card that I had for incidentals for the $5.00 shipping charge.

I should have breathed a sigh of relief, shouldn't I? But I still had to figure out what to do until my next "fix", when my machine arrived in the mail. I had a sense of panic...... Could it take more than one week to arrive? What if it was lost in the mail? Can I get my radio to make the same sound in the meantime? What if there's a hurricane down THERE and they can't get it sent out? (Ok, I know that this one is very selfish and heartless---sorry...)

So...I had a rather shaky night last night----after taking valerian, (a natural sleeping herb---mind you!) playing around to get the right hissing sound, (AM doesn't have it, by the way---it has to be FM)----then finally sleeping pretty good despite the occasional static "CRACKLE".

...............I just hope that my machine comes soon in the mail................

And NO ONE better talk to me about that "white noise" dead people thing...
It's not true...not a word of it...and it's not true that this addiction leads to a bigger problem......cravings for airplane noise, so that I would have to travel constantly...

Hey, wait a minute...that sounds pretty good...

Friday, October 14, 2005

"The picture is so big..."

I have always taken pride in the fact that I have bright children. I started working with them when they were at a young age---- to teach them to sound out letters and read, to listen to and match notes while singing, and to be curious and want to discover and question the world around them. As they grew older, we always had lively discussions at the dinner table about authors, books, movies, history, spiritual aspects in life, and different types of music. I taught them to be different and find their own personal style, and forget about what everyone else was doing. I felt that I had achieved the impossible---children who were knowledgeable, intelligent, curious, unique, and above all, respectful to the fact that I had taught them everything they knew...

I don't know quite when things begin to backfire...

I believe it was one time when my two oldest were in their teens. I walked into the room where they were laughing about something.
"What is it", I inquired, ready to be involved in the joke.
"Nothing...", they replied and looked at each other, smiling.

That was the beginning...

It begin to take a life of its own, this joking about Mom behind her back, and then, horror of horrors, right in front of her.
It got so that I got a complex whenever any of my children were together in a room, whispering or laughing----was it about me, I thought----how can they possibly do this to me---I brought them into this world----a total of 70 hours of labor!

Well,...as they begin to leave the nest, and moved farther away and I wasn't able to see them as much anymore, I begin to be more tolerant, and not so angry about it anymore. They say that time, and, maybe distance, heals all wounds...

So, as I was talking to my oldest daughter, Hailey---we talk on the phone at least two or three times a week, now that she lives across the country--- I was going on and on about this or that, things that annoy me constantly in my everyday life---thinking that these things were just as important to her as they were to me---when she says to me,

"Heh, Heh", (as if she is humoring me and really listening to me...)

"Mom, you should get a blog."

"A what?"

"A blog...that way you can write all these things out that frustrate you or happen to you----or just to get things off your chest..."

".................."(hmmm, I'm thinking----is this so I won't be annoying you with my weekly monologue?)

"I don't think that I can set it up by myself...", I reply. (I do admit that my children are more knowledgeable on the computer than me)

"No, YOU can do it-----its EASY."

Ok, so I got the hint and have proceeded to set this thing up.

I felt pretty good about doing it myself. I'm looking forward to venting to whomever wants to listen...or rather...read about it...

So, after getting it set up---mostly by trial and lots of error, I invite my second daughter, Brinna, visiting from Rhode Island, to peruse and praise what her superior mother has done...

Her first reply, with a laugh...

"But Mom, the picture is SOOOOO big!"

I rest my case.

Thursday, October 13, 2005


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